Category Archives: Home Life

National Blog Posting Month – December 2012 – Work

Prompt – Do you think you’re yourself at work, or do you think your co-workers don’t know the “real” you?

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One thing that I do know for certain is that the person that I am in the office is the same person that I am at home. I’m fortunate to have a job where I’m not expected to conform to some particular behavior. I’m grateful to have a job where there is no specified dress code. I’m glad to be in academics where it’s more important what you do than what you look like.

In academics, even social skills are optional, which is one of the reasons why I’m glad I don’t have to go to faculty meetings.

All this isn’t to say that I don’t care at all about my appearance or what others think of me, I just don’t concern myself with these things any more than I would if I were going to the grocery store. I wear jeans to work most every day, but that’s for practical reasons: I’m regularly crawling on the floor of my laboratory. A skirt or nice slacks would be destroyed in no time. I do wear T-shirts some days, but I actually prefer to wear something a little nicer. Maybe something that buttons or has a collar, but still always something practical that will keep me warm in my 62-degree office and also not get caught on anything in the lab.

My co-workers know me well, at least my quirks. I’m notorious for meowing greetings to people. They know that I’m learning swordplay. They know that I like to sew medieval clothing. If I were trying to hide the ‘real’ me, I suspect no-one would know these things about me.

I’ve got nothing to hide. I like me. I think I’m interesting. And being ‘me’ in the office doesn’t hinder my ability to do my work, nor the abilities of others to do their work. The me of the office is the me of the world. I’m glad I don’t have to change personalities every morning as I drive into work!

For 12-14-12

National Blog Posting Month – December 2012 – Work

Prompt – Are you happier when you’re working or when you’re relaxing?

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Some days I have serious doubts that I can relax. I get nervous during idle time, with the constant nagging suspicion that there is something that I ought to be working on.

I think it’s a remnant of being a graduate student. We called it “grad student guilt” then. Basically, if you were conscious, you needed to be working if you had any illusions about graduating on time. I still feel this way.

Relaxing is stressful to me. I have a hard time just kicking back, enjoying a beer, and watching a movie. Lately, I’ve been watching lots of movies, but I’m only able to do that as I’m working on a blog series about bad geology movies. See? It’s work, so I’m doing a good thing.

When I’m working, even if it’s not related to my paying job, I feel like my energies are going to good use. I feel like my efforts will be beneficial in the long run. I (almost) never feel that way when I’m relaxing – though rationally, I know that there are important benefits to taking a break from time to time.

So, am I happier when I’m working or when I’m relaxing? Usually happiest when I’m doing a lot of work and being highly productive. Relaxing can wait until I am no longer capable of working…

For 12-13-12

National Blog Posting Month – December 2012 – Work

Prompt – What do you think would be the hardest job for you to do?

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There are two ways I can approach this question. I know that the hardest job I have ever done is being a parent. Of course, like all parents, I am grossly underpaid. And there’s no vacation. No days off. I’m still a parent, even if I’m sick. It can kinda suck. On the other hand, once in a while the boy says “I love you, Mom,” which basically negates all the bad things. It’s a hard job. The hardest. I feel horribly underqualified. Yet I do it every day and both boy and mom seem to be doing all right.

Now, if I were thinking of career style jobs, the hardest job I could have is any in which I was required to make a ton of phone calls. I think I’d be sick everyday. You see, I have social anxiety (though most people who know me find that hard to believe). For all the years of therapy and medications the one thing I still can’t do without overwhelming terror is make a stupid flipping phone call.

I do make phone calls, of course, and sometimes with little to no anxiety. But if I have to cold-call someone, say for example a program director at the National Science Foundation, or a land owner who’s land I’d like to work on, I flip. This may be one of the reasons why my current job suits me. I don’t have to make those calls. I call vendors from time to time to ask for parts (which can still be difficult). Most everything else I need to do can be done with e-mail. I can handle e-mail – most of the time.

So retail jobs would be a nightmare for me. Secretarial jobs, panic city.

Sitting in an interior laboratory with no windows, just me and the mass spectrometer, just fine. I’ll stick with what I got.

For 12-12-12

National Blog Posting Month – December 2012 – Work

Prompt – What is the best way to relax after a hard day?

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Relax? What is this “Relax”?

After a hard day, once the evening chores are done, I’ve worked out, and I’ve done everything else that’s pressing – well – then it’s usually close to 10pm and I’m ready to go to bed.

But I don’t always. In fact, I seldom head straight to bed.

I usually crack an adult beverage, grab the laptop, and get comfy somewhere. This is when I write.

Sometimes, it’s blog posts, if I have the mental capacity to write something that requires a little thought. Some of my blog posts, are fairly technical, so I have to have some manner of coherency to do the writing.

If my brain’s not all there (a more typical scenario), I will open a fiction file and start writing. I daydream, and record what I’m thinking about. Let little stories and plot bunnies hop around in my head.

I do that until I can’t keep my eyes open any more. Then the light goes off and I’m gone until the alarm goes off the next morning.

For 12-7-12

National Blog Posting Month – December 2012 – Work

Prompt – Do you feel most comfortable being a leader, a follower, or a collaborator?

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This is an interesting prompt. Truth is, I’m not comfortable being a leader, though I have done it, successfully, on many occasions. I know this is because I have an anxiety disorder – social anxiety – that makes me kind of flip out when all eyes are on me. Years of therapy and medications have helped me a long ways. Now I know that it’s a disorder and that it’s not just that I’m shy, for example. Turns out, I’m actually very extroverted (which everyone who knows me believes), but that I have this annoying disorder that causes me to freeze in social situations. Luckily, I know this now and can (most of the time) fight past it and get on with what needs to be done. But the end result is that I have a difficult time with leadership. I do it, but I’m happy when it’s over.

But the extroversion makes it really hard to just sit back and be a follower as well. I’ll follow happily enough when something is new to me; my anxiety keeps me quiet. But once I feel competent at something, I lose interest in merely following. The extrovert comes out and sometimes I wind up taking charge. And then the anxiety comes back because I worry that I’ve offended someone or something. It’s a nuisance, really.

I really enjoy collaborating with others. The joy there is that I am treated as equal, but that someone else has to make to phone calls, and get all the permissions that may be needed (say for a grant proposal) and I can just sit back and wait until they ask me to do something. I lend my expertise where it’s needed and am present when needed, and keep out of it otherwise. It’s a nice balance.

The only problem is that when there’s something I really want done, I have a hard time rallying the troops (as it were) to collaborate with me. I’ve submitted a few grant proposals as Principal Investigator and it’s been really, really hard to do it, generally because I can’t get the rest of the team on board adequately and my (stupid) anxiety causes me to not be quite pushy enough to keep everyone motivated.

Thankfully, I’m in a place where people are seeking me out now for potential collaborations (see yesterday’s post). I have a skill that few others have, that is in demand. Not high demand mind you, but in demand enough that I can keep busy and paid.

So does it matter which of these terms (leader, follower, collaborator) are most comfortable to me. I know myself. I’m making it work. I’m happy. That’s all that’s needed.

For 12-4-12